Domingo, 3 de noviembre 2019
I’m not sure what the rules for creation are. I guess ethics matter, but that’s about it. The rest is up to you. It doesn’t have to be a story. It just has to be what you are needing to hear, feel, and see in that very moment. Or you can look at what others have made if what you make is not accurately reflecting your soul. You can make yourself less lonely. I promise. You can hold your own head and stroke it till you feel better, or until you don’t. The point is you have yourself. When everything else falls apart, there you are, with everything you need in order to start over, cuantas veces sea necesario. I guess this is one of the lessons I’ve learned from the shore, but I’ll spare us all the metaphors, or at least try to—we can each craft our own. That is why we have to stop, pray, and listen. Can you hear me? Clarice? Are you there? I don’t really care if you’re there. I just want to pretend I really honor the dead when deep down I’m just bitter, alone and confused. But I bet most of the dead have also been bitter, alone and confused at times. So what I meant to say is: Clarice, I’m scared. I need guidance. Can you speak through me? Can anybody else? It shouldn’t be me driving this vehicle anymore. I’ve lost my way. I’m just burning fuel y quemando goma. Bring in the spares, but not God. Anything but God. What are you saying? We can believe in God and be great people. Yes, but I can’t. I can’t believe in anything at the moment. That’s probably why you feel so defeated. Where the hell is your faith? What is that? I love trees, bees and a great shade. I have no room for faith. Precisely, because you think you’ll be alright on your own. You won’t. You need other people dammit. Do you understand? We can’t do this alone. We can’t. Ok, but I’m scared other people will let me down. I’m scared of conflict and rejection. I’m out of words at the moment. I’ll think of something soon, just hang in there, I guess. Tomorrow might be wonderful. This evening might also be better than you expected.
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